it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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