Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
