Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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