he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
