I could make wine with my vomit
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
