Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
