I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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