I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
