And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize