SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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