CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
