question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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