My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
