There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
