Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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