DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
