Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
