Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
