She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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