Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
