(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
