Me. At least after what I've been through.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
