My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she pinky promised me she was 18
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
