Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize