he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
