Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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