had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
