Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
