I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
