i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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