FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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