That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
