Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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