Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Be still, my beating vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
