I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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