i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He passed out mid-signature
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
