I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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