My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
