Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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