Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
