is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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