hell yes lets make some ravioli
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize