i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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