I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize