Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
