she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
