honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
