So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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