you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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