Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
