So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
