I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
