That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
