Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
