It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize