even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
