chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
