dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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