if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
