After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
