I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
