Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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