I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize