i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
