All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
